Ah, the start of the new high school year. This year at Shorecrest, our homecoming was a bit earlier than usual on September 28th. Otis, like many other students at Shorecrest, were petrified in fear of asking their special someone to homecoming. Follow Otis’ story as I give you the perfect step-by-step tutorial on how to make the most out of your high school homecoming.
1. Do not talk to your potential date at all before you ask them
Otis has had his eye on Sammy the Stormray for months. Even though they’ve never talked or had classes together, Otis knows that Sammy is the one for him. By employing the element of surprise, Sammy won’t know what to expect, only that he has been on Otis’ mind. You must never talk to the person you’re going to ask, and it’s even better if this person barely knows that you exist.
2. Ask in the form of a serenade
Do something monumental when you ask someone to homecoming. It must be big and loud, because how else are you supposed to express how much you want to go to homecoming with them? Otis decided to grab his bagpipes and during extended passing, he traveled to Shorewood and serenaded Sammy in the commons right outside The Cove. Alongside Otis, the Highland Dance clicked and clacked down the hallway to the rhythm of Scotland the Brave. You also want to make sure that when you ask someone to homecoming in the form of a serenade, it’s a song only YOU like. Because how else will you be able to make such an out-of-this-world performance if it isn’t YOUR favorite song?
3. Do not partake in the cheesy homecoming cliches
Sammy the Stormray said yes to Otis ( I mean, who wouldn’t?) and they were off to planning. The thing to know about homecoming is that all of the cliches you see in the movies aren’t fun or real and you should not participate in them. Otis and Sammy did not take photos together, Otis didn’t buy Sammy a corsage, and Otis showed up to the dance in a sweatshirt and sweatpants. With Homecoming you must put in as little effort as possible.
4. Don’t wear socks
Otis and Sammy went to the dance and did not wear socks. This is the optimal thing to do because you are reconnecting with nature. Everyone else is wearing socks, so why not assert your dominance and let those animals out of their cages. We already can’t wear shoes, so why wear another layer that restricts your feet?
5. Do not dance, at the dance
Finally, your last step for a perfect homecoming night is to not dance. Otis and Sammy the Stormray stayed on the sides of the gym, by the bleachers, and sat. Instead of dancing, they ate food and threw their leftovers into the crowd so that others would step on and squash their grapes. Even though the music was bumping, they sat a good distance away from each other and people-watched.
At the end of the night, Otis and Sammy had a wonderful time. By doing all the right things in asking Sammy, and at the dance, Otis created a perfect night. One to really write home about.
Disclaimer – This is all purely satire, do not do what Otis does in this story because it will not give positive results and you will most likely get rejected. At Homecoming, you should make the most out of your night, dance, take pictures, and have fun with your friends. High school goes by quicker than you’d think, so make the most out of the time you have. And please, for everyone’s sake, wear socks at the dance.
Sources
Golden ASP. “WORST PROMPOSALS…5 WAYS NOT TO ASK SOMEONE TO PROM!” GOLDEN ASP PROM BOUTIQUE, 5 November 2018, https://www.goldenaspprom.com/blog/worst-promposals. Accessed 2 October 2024.
Gong, Bridgette. “Ask someone to homecoming—it’s not too late!” The Oracle, 14 October 2017, https://gunnoracle.com/14778/lifestyle/ask-someone-to-homecoming-its-not-too-late/. Accessed 2 October 2024.
Porter, David. “Take the pressure off yourself for the homecoming dance.” Platt County Journal-Republican, 27 September 2024, https://www.journal-republican.com/opinion/take-the-pressure-off-yourself-for-the-homecoming-dance/article_1f606c06-7d27-11ef-8265-9335479b0541.html. Accessed 2 October 2024.
Rochester, Lucas. “Top 10 WORST Ways To Ask A Girl To Homecoming.” Niles West News, 3 October 2018, https://nileswestnews.org/66618/arts-entertainment/top-10-worst-ways-to-ask-a-girl-to-homecoming/. Accessed 2 October 2024.
